I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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