i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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