Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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