There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize