Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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