took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize