After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize