...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize