IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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