This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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