Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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