I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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