My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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