she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Randomize