i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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