I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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