when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize