haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize