Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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