things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize