I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
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you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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