everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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