I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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