it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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