dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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