I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize