im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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