sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize