'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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