yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize