do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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