"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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