just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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