Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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