chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize