im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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