I am puke
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
how does that bad decision feel?
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