I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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