At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize