i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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