life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize