My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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