did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize