he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
