My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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