I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She even gives head with a lisp.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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