so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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