I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
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Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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