There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You have to summon your inner elephant
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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