So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my sisters under your porch take her home
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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