You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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