ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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