I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize